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mashed in maryland 4:49 Mon Oct 31
Strange, random, pointless lies that people tell/have told you
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Bored Monday thread.
Anyone ever come across this?
Bloke in my office just got a call from someone who asked if I was here and said he'd "been speaking" to me this morning about something, which was completely irrelevant to what he'd rung the other bloke about. I'd not spoken to the cunt on the phone in weeks. Cannot for the life of me figure out why he'd make that up.
Bloke I used to knock about with used to tell everyone and I mean everyone that he had a tattoo on his chap, I'm assuming cos he suspected no one would ever ask to see proof. Until a bird of his was in our company and I asked her about it and she was like "eh??", and he then said he'd only ever been joking.
Also some other bloke I met on holiday told me he was best mates with Michael Carrick and had known him since school, later found out he had a bit of a knack for bullshitting and other stories which got relayed were being in the Paras and Marines and a former pro boxer etc. No fucking idea why out of everyone in the world he thought he'd lie about knowing Michael Carrick though.
Oh and the relation to West Ham is that this is ample opportunity for Johnson etc. to rant about lies that BERKS INC etc have told re the OS.
Discuss.
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Replies - In Chronological Order ( Show Newest Messages First)
Hasans Fish Bar RIP
5:19 Mon Oct 31
Re: Strange, random, pointless lies that people tell/have told you
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I worked with a bird who supposedly was married to a mechanic on Ralf Schumachers F1 team. Quite plausible I thought. But she insisted she went to all the races. Again, quite believable. However after grand prixs in Melbourne and Singapore, china etc, she still seemed to manage to be at her desk every Monday morning at 8am.
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Private Dancer
5:22 Mon Oct 31
Re: Strange, random, pointless lies that people tell/have told you
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'Anyone ever come across this?''
Erh yea, every day.
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Lily Hammer
5:26 Mon Oct 31
Re: Strange, random, pointless lies that people tell/have told you
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https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=w1fC6WUOCnA
"Go on, hit me in the stomach."
Classic!
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riosleftsock
5:30 Mon Oct 31
Re: Strange, random, pointless lies that people tell/have told you
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Bloke in an office I used to work in (a colleague of Stewie Griffin).
At various times he would chime in with a cracker.
Talking about boating holidays, he claimed to be a qualified, professional ship's captain.
Talking about flying on holiday, he claim to have been a trained fighter pilot in the New Zealand Air Force.
Useless at his job and sacked for nicking print cartridges and selling them on ebay. Probably made about 50 quid. Set up his ebay account with his real name and showed it to people at work.
We called him wing commander.
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Johnson
5:32 Mon Oct 31
Re: Strange, random, pointless lies that people tell/have told you
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I will pass on your kind offer.
Anything Branded or Hammer and Pickle claim is worthy of note in this thread however.
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overbyyer
5:36 Mon Oct 31
Re: Strange, random, pointless lies that people tell/have told you
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KFC are trying to create boneless chickens to maximise profits. True story according to one of my boys.
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ohgodno
5:36 Mon Oct 31
Re: Strange, random, pointless lies that people tell/have told you
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About six times, unrelated to each other, weird blokes in pubs have claimed to be scaffolders and regaled me stories of the intense training they had to undergo to become scaffolders.
Imagine thinking scaffolders are great and aspiring to be one. But not having the balls to chase that "dream".
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Marston Hammer
5:37 Mon Oct 31
Re: Strange, random, pointless lies that people tell/have told you
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Blue smarties give you cancer
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mashed in maryland
5:42 Mon Oct 31
Re: Strange, random, pointless lies that people tell/have told you
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Just thought of another one. When living in Devon, overheard a London/Essex sounding bloke in a boozer who obviously heard me talking too, we kinda latched onto each other, he said "alright mate", being a friendly half pissed sort of mood thought I'd return the favour and be polite and ask where he was from, he went "I'm from Basildon. You ever heard of Pat Tate? Yeah thats my cousin".
No idea if he was actually lying or not but thats a weird thing to tell someone when you first meet them.
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mashed in maryland
5:45 Mon Oct 31
Re: Strange, random, pointless lies that people tell/have told you
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ohgodno 5:36 Mon Oct 31
Don't think I've ever known one who doesn't make you very aware of their job and how hard it is and they are as often as possible.
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charleyfarley
5:49 Mon Oct 31
Re: Strange, random, pointless lies that people tell/have told you
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Mashed maybe you look gullible and therefore people tell you a load of old crap
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mashed in maryland
5:53 Mon Oct 31
Re: Strange, random, pointless lies that people tell/have told you
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True, I also mix with a load of weird cunts
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Troy McClure
5:54 Mon Oct 31
Re: Strange, random, pointless lies that people tell/have told you
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Got a right doris in the office who has a story for every occassion..
Example...
Random office guy: Police were parked outside my house yesterday
Doris: Oh well Police pulled me over last night. Was flirting with them
ZZZZZzzzzz
Her nickname is Jackanory
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Far Cough
5:59 Mon Oct 31
Re: Strange, random, pointless lies that people tell/have told you
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Hardest game in the world scaffolding, I used to be one, 30 years man and boy
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collyrob
6:10 Mon Oct 31
Re: Strange, random, pointless lies that people tell/have told you
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I went to school with the biggest spoofer on the planet.
He seen hurricane katrina on his holidays but it was grand he "just held on to a gate".
Then on the flight home he said he fainted and they thought he was dead until he was scratching from inside the bodybag😂😂
Bumped into him a couple of years ago and told me he was running a culinary arts college in Paris, the blokes fucking mental.
He keeps posting Bruno Mars lyrics on Facebook cause his "bird" pied him and he's heartbroken. Doubt she's even real to be honest.
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Far Cough
6:11 Mon Oct 31
Re: Strange, random, pointless lies that people tell/have told you
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Hardest game in the world spoofer, I used to be one, 30 years man and boy
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MrTrentReznor
6:43 Mon Oct 31
Re: Strange, random, pointless lies that people tell/have told you
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Bloke I met in pub in Waterford claimed to be one of the Birmingham 6. He had a few drinks on board & he veered erratically from being an innocent victim of police brutality to a cold blooded murderer the police knew as 'The Hawk' several times during the night.I don't know which persona was lying to me: the innocent guy or 'The Hawk'.
Perhaps both of them were full of shit.
I must confess that I do give completely made up weather reports from my home town when I arrive at work 45 mins away.
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joe royal
6:53 Mon Oct 31
Re: Strange, random, pointless lies that people tell/have told you
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mashed in maryland 5:42 Mon Oct 31
Re: Strange, random, pointless lies that people tell/have told you
Back in the old days everyone in the east end seemed to be related to the Krays.
I'm not but I am very distantly related to Freddie Foreman.
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Alfs
7:08 Mon Oct 31
Re: Strange, random, pointless lies that people tell/have told you
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I'm selling exhibition space in Oman at the moment and one chap (a sales director), who said his company will definitely be attending, told me the reason behind the delay of getting the order form back to me was that one of his children died.
It turned out to be total bullshit.
I've made up a few excuses in my time but that was beyond the pale.
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Far Cough
7:10 Mon Oct 31
Re: Strange, random, pointless lies that people tell/have told you
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I thought it was "I was in the Blind Beggar when it happened..."?
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